Going Where

Love and Hate

Love is the unifying force.  Anything else is separation, regardless of the name we give it.

Generally, most of us use the words “love” and “hate” as antonyms.  Some have argued that love and hate are merely two sides on the same coin. Others have put forth the belief that the real antonym for love is apathy, the sheer lack of any feeling whatsoever. Others have argued that the opposite of love is fear. When we experience the oneness or a sense of connectedness, we are at peace and feel the joy of giving and receiving love.  When we act in ways that separate us, whether it is through apathy, fear, or hate, we lose our joy because we have lost our connection with love.

But how can I feel love towards someone who is hurting me by being hateful or abusive?

This can be very difficult. The first step is to understand that hurtful behavior comes from fear. Ask yourself, what is this person so fearful about they needed to act in this way with me? Second, ask, “Why have I attracted this behavior?” “What have I tolerated, what have I allowed in my life that I am now having to experience this behavior?” Once you have identified the source, shift to a different place, a place that comes from love and no longer attracts what is negative. 

Challenge:  Next time you encounter someone who reacts negatively to you or causes you some other type of hurt, try one of the following techniques to reduce how their behavior impacts you. First, imagine that you are standing behind a thick sheet of plexiglass. The glass allows information to come through, allows you to clearly see the other individual, but protects you from anything harmful that the person might say or do to you. Your glass filters out all that is negative and only allows that which is positive to pass through. You can see through them and acknowledge their fear, but it doesn’t penetrate the glass. It doesn’t affect you. A second approach involves using a mirror. (If you feel strongly that someone is sending you bad vibes, you may want to keep the mirror in a pocket with the reflective side facing out). Then, what ever happens to you throughout the course of the day, you can mirror it back to the person who sent it to you with love. When using this approach, place no anger or resentment on what you send, only love.

How to Speak so Others Listen

Have you faced a situation where you simply couldn’t make your point no matter how hard you tried?  The Native American Medicine Wheel can help you to communicate much more clearly. The key to effective communication is to speak to the other person based upon their home position on the Wheel. Native Americans believe that you season of birth influences all aspects of your life. Recent scientific research as outlined in Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today, provides substantial support for the notion that the season in which we are born does actually influence our lives.

Using the Going Where model, those born in the North or Winter portion of the Wheel (December, January, and February), will respond best to the words “think” or “plan.” Those born in the Spring or East portion of the Wheel, will respond best to the word “believe.” Summer births (June, July, and August) are in the South portion of the Wheel and respond best to the word “feel.” Fall births (September, October, and November) will respond best to the words “know” or “experience.”

The challenge for most people is that they want to use the words that are most comfortable for them. For example, a person who is born in the winter will usually ask others what they “think.” To communicate more clearly with others, the best thing to do is to use the words for the other person’s home position on the Wheel. It’s also important that you ask questions in the sequence that goes around the Wheel clockwise. For example, if your preferred word is “think,” since you are born in the winter, asking someone born in the spring what they think actually undermines your communication.  Instead, the strongest approach is to ask them “What do you believe” and then “What you feel.”  This moves them forward on the wheel and may make the communication easier.

A slightly different approach uses the notion of pulling both parties forward. For example, if you’re working with someone who is a fall birth who prefers the physical and does best with what they “know,” then speaking to someone born in the “South” and discussing “feelings” will support the person with whom you’re speaking, but it won’t support you. In this case, the best approach is to use the words from the North by asking the feeling person, “What do you think?” This is clockwise movement from you (from knowing to thinking) and it also balances the energy of the feeling person. (Thinking and feeling balance each other as do believing and knowing.) Sometimes people are more open to hearing the words from the direction “across” the Wheel from their own.

The key point to remember here is to use your home words when you are discussing point of view. Then, if you know the other person’s preferred words, ask their opinion using those words. For example, a thinking person may say, “I think this is a great idea, but John (born in the South) how do you feel about it?” When you speak to each other from your perspective and are willing to hear the other person’s perspective, you will see your communication improve exponentially.

Circle or Square

The circle is unending.  The square can be perceived as having beginning or ending.  In the circle, there is no hiding in the corner.  In the square there is no polar opposite.  The square will give different values. The circle gives equal values.

Have you ever wondered why we use a circle to symbolize eternity?  When we marry, the rings we exchange link our circles together, symbolically representing an eternal relationship. Mathematicians have discovered that regardless of the size of the circle, every circle has one single underlying value in common, the number “pi” (p). 

In contrast, think of the square. Squares of different sizes vary based upon their height and width, and while they resemble each other in shape, they lack the underlying unifying principle found in the circle. In fact, the square actually represents being different. How many times have you used the term “square” to describe another who was different or separate from you?

Imagine you’re standing in a circle with a number of people, If one person steps out of the circle, the circle can close and continues forever. Now imagine standing with a large number of people standing in a perfect square. When part of the square is removed, the square is no longer complete.

Like losing part of the square, when we lose the opinions of those who differ from us or disagree with our opinions, we are incomplete. Opinions are needed, not to separate us, but to enjoin us.

Life’s a square if you are different. When you take a side, there is always opposition.  In contrast, when you join the circle with your opinion, and your opinion becomes part of the whole, there is mutual respect in the circle.

So which question is actually correct?  “Are you the square peg in the round hole or the round hole without a peg?”

This is your decision. You can decide between taking sides to be apart or taking side to be a part?

Challenge:  Next time you are tempted to take sides in a disagreement, look for the solution inside the circle, rather than lining up on one of the opposing sides.