Going Where

Receivers vs. Takers

Takers take and keep. Receivers receive and share. If you take, there is no sharing and the energy dissipates to nothing, so even the taker has nothing. When you receive, you are open and receptive; open to the universe and the light to disperse to others, so everyone has everything.

There’s a story that Ronald Reagan used to tell about two little boys. One who is a pessimist and the other who is an optimist. The pessimist, when placed in a room full of toys is unhappy and continues to whine and cry. The optimist, when given a shovel and placed in a room full of horse manure, is happy. Asked why he’s digging away so happily, he responds: “If there’s this much of this stuff here, there’s got to be a pony somewhere!” The pessimist takes without ever feeling happy or satisfied. In contrast, the optimist’s hope is contagious and spreads light to all whom it touches.

Do you really believe it’s better to give than receive?
For a moment, remember your childhood.  While you loved receiving gifts at the holidays or on your birthday, remember how you waited in anticipation for someone to open the gift you gave them? As an adult, especially if you have children, aren’t you more concerned about seeing them happy with your gifts as opposed to worrying about what they give you? Your gift is the gift of their joy when they are truly happy about what you have given.

Challenge: Tighten in your hand into a closed fist.  As long as your hand is closed, you can no longer receive anything.  In fact, the harder you try to hang on to something, the more likely it is that your hand will become fatigued and that you will actually lose it. Now, open your fist and cup your hand. Next, pour a glass of water over your cupped hand.  Your hand receives the water, but then it runs out of your hand allowing fresh water to take its place. Which would you rather drink? Water that has been trapped in your hand for days or fresh water that continuously flows?

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by platinumblondelife

Inclusive and Exclusive

Truth is inclusive.  Falseness is exclusive. True love generates so much good energy; many are drawn to its light. In this state, there is room for all and none need to be excluded. 

Remember those cliques when you were in high school? If you were one of the in crowd, being included was one of the best things about your life.  On the other hand, if you were one of the other people who were not in with the in crowd, being on the outside looking in may have been one of the most painful things about your existence.

Then, why are there so many exclusive clubs, exclusive communities, exclusive rights, etc? Why do so many adults feel the need to exclude others when they may have experienced that very same pain themselves?

When we feel the need to exclude someone, we are drawing on fear, hate, or some other negative feeling. We do this because we lack the love we need to be inclusive.  The outsiders are threatening to us in some way or fashion. We feel they may take something we value. In contrast, when we feel secure and loving, there is no threat, and hence, there is more than enough room for all. 

Challenge: In all relationships, whether personal, family, or business, when you feel a need to exclude someone, look at your motives, rather than their actions. Then ask, what would happen if I were to include this person rather than excluding them?

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by The Consumerist

Release vs. Dump

We’re asked to release our fears, angers, and frustrations, but not to dump them.  When we’re babies, someone else changes our diapers when we mess them, so we have all the relief and none of the responsibility of cleaning them.  This is dumping.  One of the first things our parents want to teach us is how to release so we don’t dump. That way, they don’t have to clean up a mess and we’re resistant to that.  It’s so easy to just let go of whatever is not comfortable no matter what happens to it, not caring that someone else is going to be responsible for cleaning up the mess. Then we learn that if we don’t make a mess and we release in a proper way, that it’s not uncomfortable, we don’t even have to look at it and it’s gone with the pull of chain or the push of a handle. All of our messes should be that way but we simply just don’t think, release, pull or push, and our mess will be gone. Remember: No dumping, just releasing, that’s the way it is.

“What a dump!” “We have to fight putting a toxic waste dump in our town!”  “No dumping!” “I can’t believe he dumped all that work on me!”  Each of these expressions suggests a mess that needs to be cleaned up or that should be avoided. While our parents spend a great deal of time teaching us how to avoid making a mess with our physical bodies, almost none of us learn how to properly clean up the mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual messes we often create for ourselves. In fact, some of us even fail to clean up our physical messes hoping that someone else will do it for us.

In psychology, there is this wonderful analogy that perfectly represents the dumping process.  It’s called the “kick-the-cat-syndrome” and is used to describe a phenomenon called displacement. When someone dumps on us, we can’t dump back because of our lesser position in the scheme of things. Thus, we displace or dump our anger elsewhere. So, what happens is the following: “the boss yells at the employee; the employee goes home and yells at his or her spouse; the spouse yells at kids; and the kids kick the cat.” 

So how does one release rather than dump?
Take responsibility for your actions. When you make a mess, own it, but then clean it up the moment you recognize what you have done. Instead of putting it off, do it now. 

Challenge: Look at your home or workplace.  Are parts of it messy?  How about cleaning up the dump and making it shiny, bright, and clean, releasing all that old stuff so you never have to look at it again?

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by flattop341

Consequences and Results

Consequences and results are the same thing.  When you rescue someone who is drowning, seldom do you think of the consequences.  When we do good things, we tend to look for results.  When we do bad things, we dread the consequences which are the results.

“Truth or Consequences”—Some of us are old enough to remember the old game show where  Bob Barker got his start. Bob would ask each contestant a question. Those who answered the question incorrectly, had to face the consequences of getting a pie in the face or dunked in water. When the contestant answered correctly, there we no consequences, just a pleasant result in the form of a hokey prize.

You mean to say that life is like a 1950’s game show?
Isn’t it? When you get it right, the consequences are rewarding. When you get it wrong, up pop the unpleasant consequences. Perhaps it is better to examine the consequences of our actions that it is to assume what they may mean. Looking for rewarding consequences can lead you to a whole new way of thinking. The next time you have made a choice and you dread the consequences, rethink your choice.

Challenge: Look at the areas in your life where you experience rewarding consequences. These are the areas where you are getting it right. Now make a list of at least five circumstances that are causing you pain or difficulty. These are the areas where you need to make a different choice. Write down the choice that led to each consequence.  Now write down a new choice that can lead to a rewarding consequence instead.

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by GIRLintheCafe

Illusion and Reality

Power, prestige, and pleasure--the three temptations that all people face. The illusion of power is the control over others. The reality of power is the accountability of self. The illusion of prestige is what others think of you. The reality of prestige is what you know about yourself.  The illusion of pleasure is instantaneous. The reality of pleasure is on-going and growing.  

When I took a course in cognitive psychology, I became very interested in an area known as locus of control.  Like so much else in psychology, the researchers divide us into two groups: internal and external. An individual who has an internal locus of control is someone who feels that their actions make a difference.  What happens to them is a direct result of their choices and actions. Control comes from within. In contrast, the individual with an external locus of control feels that what happens to them is primarily due to luck or chance. Their actions have little, if any importance, in creating an outcome. Control is external and is something over which they have no influence.

What does this have to do with illusion and reality?

Many of us spend our lives seeking our happiness in something outside ourselves.  To have power, you must be able to control others. To have prestige, others must place a high value on who you are or what you do. To have pleasure, we often find ourselves looking to another individual or a situation external to us rather than quietly looking within. The illusion is the answer is outside ourselves. The reality is that all answers lie within.

Challenge: Next time you notice yourself struggling for power in a situation, ask yourself, why do I need to control or dominate another?  Take five minutes of quiet time (even if it means locking yourself in the restroom) and ask, “How can I resolve this without having to control another?” In the same vein, when you feel you must seek your prestige in the opinions of others or when you feel you must have instant gratification, ask again, “What internal resources do I have that will allow me to deal with this from within my being rather than externally?”  Therein lays the reality.   

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by froodmat