Going Where

Flowers and Weeds

Flowers and weeds are really no different.  It merely comes from your perspective.  The things you treasure, that you feel to be rare, you cultivate and culture. The things you tend to think are mundane and useless, you rip out, poison and destroy. To a child, a field of yellow dandelions is a glorious thing to find. They pick them with delight, grip them in dirty little hands, and then present them to mom as though she is being given the rarest of orchids. 

As I look out on the hillside where I live, I feel slightly irritated by the weeds that have once again overgrown the beautiful purple ice plant. Of course, with fire season approaching, it's time to shell out several hundred dollars to clear off the "native brush" (and lots of weeds and tall grass). Yet, within the weeds and tall grass are at least a half dozen quail, numerous doves and jays, a cotton tail rabbit, a squirrel, and probably a few snakes. The deer graze on the grass and the hummingbirds feed from the bottle brush. "My" hillside, is their home as well.

But aren't human beings more important than animals?

Is maintaining the safety of my home more important than protecting the homes of the other animals who find shelter here?  In my haste to "destroy the weeds", what else will I be killing in the process? 

Challenge: Next time you go outside to pull up the weeds, take a moment to consider the following: within your own life, look at the bouquet you have picked. Is it filled only with that which is rare and different? Or does it also contain some of the innocence and joy of childhood? In the haste to kill your own weeds are you killing an innocent part of your life as well?

Posted by Bernice Ross and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by Focalplane

Don't Compromise--Enjoin!

Compromise is settling for the gray. Enjoining is bringing all the pieces of the puzzle together.  When we bring together what we both want to create, the picture becomes complete, with no one feeling lack. When our intention is to the good of the universe, no one needs to give up what they want.

I was recently in a negotiation regarding some of the material I planned to develop. I had tentative approval of several of people involved and thought I was clearly on track.  I then received an email from the one person who "hadn't signed on".  His plan was entirely different from mine and it was clear he wanted no part of the plan as it was structured.  When I tried to explain my position, he very nicely declined to work on the project. 

What did you do?

At first, I thought my only option was to move forward with the project the way it was structured. I still felt very uncomfortable, however, with the concerns he had raised.  For the next two days I debated between moving forward or looking for another alternative that would incorporate what I wanted to achieve with what he wanted to achieve. For me, the lesson was not having to have my way. When I let go of my need to be right, the solution magically appeared. When I emailed him to thank him for his suggestions and to let him know that I had found a way to meet the needs of all involved, much to my surprise, he volunteered to return to the project.  No one needed to give up what they wanted.

Challenge:  The next time you are banging heads with someone over something, step away from your need to have your way. Now, see if there is a way to put the pieces of the puzzle together so that each of them has a place, so that each piece fits, so that each is a harmonious part of the whole. Then ask yourself, how can this best serve all involved.

Posted by Bernice Ross and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by lindsey_lissau

Balance is Baloney!

I recently heard James Arthur Ray speak at a conference. He is one of the prominent people in the movie The Secret.  In his talk, Ray said that there really is no such thing as life balance. His exact words were, "Balance is Baloney."

As a coach, for many years I have approached the issue of balance as being much like a symphony. There are times where your work will be a "solo" as well as time spent with family and friends. These activities are not in "balance," but they can be in harmony. The question is how to best create the harmony that supports your life.

The simple steps outlined in my book, Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today, examines how to use the Native American Medicine Wheel as well as the latest psychological research, to create the harmony that many of our lives lack.

Brain research is expanding at an exponential rate. The research shows that thinking, believing, feeling, and knowing/experiencing, all take place in different parts of the brain. To create complete harmony in your life, you must work with each of these areas as you meet life's challenges.

Native Americans believe that those born in the winter time (December, January, and February) carry thinking or planning energy as their primary influence. This corresponds to the prefrontal cortex, the place where our highest thinking functions reside.  Those born in the spring (March, April, May) carry "belief" energy. Research shows that when we pray or see symbols of our belief systems such as the cross, the temporal lobes respond. Those born in the summer (June, July, August) carry "emotional" energy as their primary influence. Emotional responses take place in limbic system. Fall births (September, October, November) rely mostly on the physical or past experience energy. Memories are triggered by the hippocampus and much of what we know at our deepest levels is tied to the brainstem and the cerebellum. It is also tied to our muscular system.

Achieving harmony in your life comes from beginning with your birth season or your "home" energy. For example, if you are born in April, your home energy is spiritual or belief energy. To make great decisions and to have more balance in your life, always ask yourself, "What do I believe?" "How is this in alignment with my higher purpose in life?" Next, move to your emotions. What do you "feel" is the best way to create harmony in your life? From there, recall your past experience or what you "know." For example, "In the past, when I was in a similar situation, what actions did I take that led to a successful resolution of the situation?" You could also ask, "What do I know from my past experience that will create a harmonious result?" Finally, create your plan for increasing your harmony. "What do I think that will help me create the best outcome to this situation?"

A slightly different approach is to ask a different set of questions. For example, if your birthday is in the fall, you would begin by asking, "What can I do physically to create more harmony in my life?" The next step would be to move to the mental, "What can I do mentally to create more harmony in my life?" Then ask, "What can I do spiritually to create more harmony in my life?" Finally, ask, "What can I do emotionally to create more balance in my life?" By tapping into each of these different ways our brain works, you are tapping into all of your brain's resources rather than limiting it to just one area.

Daniel Amen in his book, Making a Good Brain Great, discusses how important it is to continue to develop all aspects of your brain as you go through life. According to Amen, ultimately all of our experiences occur in our brain. The nature of the experience depends upon which areas are activated. The more you activate, the better your brain (and your quality of life) become. The simple approach outlined above has worked for thousands of people. When you address the mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects of your being, you're creating the harmony that leads to a more fulfilling and happier life.

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by bebalance

Black and White, or Shades of Gray?

Everything is black and white. We get gray by trying to make white, black and black, white. Gray is compromise. Settling for the gray, compromises your life away.

A common thought we hear repeatedly today is, "Nothing is black and white.  Everything is shades of gray." When we speak the truth, the truth is only made "gray" when we are anything less than 100% truthful. When we seek "compromise," we are often asking someone to deny what is truth for them. By not totally honoring our integrity, as well of the integrity of others, we compromise what we believe in. Thus, we hurt not only ourselves, but those around us as well. 

But how can you maintain the integrity of your "truth" with someone whose belief system is 180 degrees opposed to yours?

An important principle in the professional coaching field is to "never make the client wrong".  So the challenge is, how do you speak your version of the truth without making the client's version "wrong?" There are a number of approaches to this situation.  First, begin by repeating what they have said. "So from your point of view, the way you view "X" is such and such."  Now shift, "I see things from a slightly different perspective" or "Have you ever considered looking at "X" from a slightly different angle?"  Now you have acknowledged both of your "truths" without making either of you wrong.  If the other person becomes angry at "your perspective," remember they are speaking their "truth." Let them own it and don't try to convince them. Instead, stay completely neutral and, if necessary, quietly, walk away from the situation--not the person.

Challenge:  Next time you feel the urge to "bend the truth", remember Mark Twain's sage advice on the matter: "Nobody has a good enough memory to be a good liar." 

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by Jenster181