Going Where

Your Major Life Lesson: Winter Births or North on the Native American Medicine Wheel

Native Americans believe that the time of year in which you are born influences the energy that you will carry throughout your life. If you are born in December, January, or February, you are considered to be born in the "North" on the Native American Medicine Wheel. This is the mental, thinking, or planning portion of the Wheel.

The idea that winter births are actually more thinking or mentally capable is supported by scientific research. The science actually demonstrates that those born in the winter have larger heads, do better in school, and are much less likely to have learning problems. Unlike those born in the summer, who are more emotional and more likely to have learning problems, those born in the winter prefer to process their lives primarily through a logical perspective. Also, while summer born individuals who have highly resilient emotional systems, North or winter born individuals have lower amounts of a neurotransmitter in their spinal columns that make them less able to cope with emotional situations.

The primary lesson for those born in the North is Judgment vs. condemnation. Judgment is defined as the ability to make a decision, form an opinion objectively or wisely, especially in matters affecting action. Other definitions include good sense, determination, discrimination, discernment, perspicacity; sagacity, wisdom, intelligence, and prudence.

Condemnation is the condition of being strongly disapproved of; an expression of strong disapproval; or, pronouncing as wrong or morally culpable. 

Many people confuse judgment with condemnation. We constantly make judgments about all aspects of our lives ranging from simple judgments such as what to eat or wear in the morning to major life decisions.

The lesson for those in born in the North is to avoid condemning others for the decisions that they make. In professional life and business coaching, one of the basic tenets is to never make your client wrong. North individuals make their judgment, and then, in some cases, condemn the other person for the decision they made.

A better approach would be to honor the other person's experience as what is necessary for them to learn. My husband often says, "Let them have their experience." When someone makes a poor decision and has negative consequences, there's really no upside in saying, "I told you so!" Instead, resist the temptation to feel that you were right and they were wrong. A better question to ask is, "How can I support you to get through this situation?"

For those born in the North, your lesson is to make your judgments, but to do so without making the other person wrong when they make a decision different from the one that you made. Even more importantly, North people are particularly hard on themselves. Don't allow your judgment to be the tool you use to condemn yourself.

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by Steven Parker

Accept and Reject

As we travel on this journey of life, we are like Inspector #14, accepting and rejecting from our perception of perfection.  However, we are not the master and experts that we would assume to be. 

“Astounding new cure found!”  “Red wine linked to longevity!”  “Aspirin reduces risk of heart attack!” Our media is filled with impressive scientific discoveries. Scientists seem to be busy proving one thing after another. Nevertheless, a fundamental fact about the scientific method is that you can never know anything for sure. The problem results from something called sampling error. Thus, all these proofs are merely educated guesses that were either accepted or rejected; nothing more, nothing less. The scientists can only tell you are what the chances are that they may be correct. Sometimes what scientists reject, should have been accepted and vice versa.  Statisticians have a scientific name for this called Type I and Type II error.

So you mean sometimes I will reject something that I should have accepted? 

Well, if the scientists can't get it right, why should we be expected to be any better? 

Challenge: Take a moment and go back over the last 24 hours.  Make a list of everything you rejected, no matter how insignificant it might had been, whether it was person, place, thing, animal, vegetable, or mineral. Now that you can see them in a different perspective, because they have already been rejected, you have nothing but rejects to choose from. And with your very jaundiced eye and jaded attitude, within these rejects, you will find perfection. Even though you have been rejected at times, you are well aware of your perfection. That which we accept, will seem to empower us. That which we reject will empower us because we have had the option of rejection. If perfection is what we strive for, then there would be nothing that we would reject, because we would see the perfection of all being and accept its difference as the seed of its perfection.  Have you found the seed of your perfection?

Posted by Bernice Ross, the author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by Mahengraphic

The Talking Circle + Really Awesome Women in Real Estate = Magic

What happens when you bring together a group of 65 of the most powerful female leaders in the real estate industry and you ask them to participate in a talking circle? The answer is "magic!"

In 2007, we held our first ever Really Awesome Women in Real Estate Conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico. During the first day of the conference, we divided our attendees into four groups depending upon their birth month. (North: December, January, February; East: March, April, May; South: June, July, August; West:September, October, November). Surprisingly, only three of our women leaders were born in the North. In contrast, we had a high number of attendees born in the South and the West.

The topic that we gave each group in 2007 was, "Who was your most important mentor and what did you learn?" Each group was given a talking stick with the following additional instructions:

1.  You may only speak when you are holdling the talking stick.

2.  You may only comment on your experience. You cannot comment on what anyone else says.

3.  Everyone is asked to share.

4.  What is said in your group is private. You can only share your own experience and you cannot share what anyone else says.

5.  The talking stick is always passed clockwise.

6.  You may talk as long as you like, but be sensitive to the fact that everyone needs to have at least one opportunity to share.

As the women began sharing, you could hear laughter coming from most of the groups. Our South group, those who are born in the emotional part of the wheel, became very emotional almost immediately. Within about 30 minutes, the entire group was crying.

When we debriefed at the end of each circle, the gratitude and connection the women reported was phenomenal. Almost every single participant said they had never felt such connection before in such a short period of time. I have conducted talking circles with college students and coaches, and they made similar reports.

In 2008, we held our second conference and repeated the talking circle exercise. This time we were fortunate to have Marilyn Naylor in attendance. Marilyn, like me, is born in the North part of the Wheel. We are both thinkers and lovers of ideas. Our challenge is dealing with our emotions. Most people who are born in the North suppress their emotions. They would rather rationally approach situations and examine them from their mental perspective rather than getting down and dirty into the emotional side of events.

The topic for our 2008 circles was, "What has been the greatest lesson of your life?" We again broke the group into the various areas corresponding to the Wheel. What was fascinating, however, was where the emotional responses occurred. As in 2007, there were more women in the West and South parts of the Wheel and fewer in the North and Spring parts. What was surprising, however, was that our South Circle was laughing and having great fun. In contrast, our North circle, with Marilyn being present, was completely crying their eyes out.

The power of what happened here is that those women who are thinkers, truly got in touch with their feelings in a safe and comforting environment. As in 2007, the amount of connection that was created was intense. A number of women reported getting help with challenges that they had not been able to resolve in the past. Once again, the Wheel worked its magic.

Regardless of the challenges that you are facing, especially if it is a group challenge, the talking circle is a powerful way to make sure that everyone has input and that your final decision, whatever it may be, is the best decision possible.

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by Darwins Eye