Going Where

Lessons In Life: Express Not Repress

Native Americans believe that the time of year in which your are born influences the energy that you will carry throughout life. If you are born in June, July, or August, you are born in the"South" on the Native American Medicine Wheel. The South represents the summer, the time to nourish your crops so that they may grow and reach their full potential. Individuals who are born in the summer months (South) are people of emotion. The South represents the emotional side of our being and our ability to nourish others. The key phrase for those born in the South is, “I feel.” For those born in the South, their heart is more important than their head.

    

While winter-borns are more likely to be mentally gifted and to experience brain/mental dysfunction, those born in the summer are more likely to experience learning disabilities as well as more likely to be born with Down Syndrome. While winter-borns have a mental edge, summer-borns are better adjusted emotionally. Several studies demonstrate that those born in the summer are less likely to be neurotic, are more open, and more extroverted than those born in the winter. They are more likely to believe in luck, have a more positive self perception, and to have better sense of psychological well-being. What’s particularly interesting is that this research actually links these differences to brain activity and neurotransmitters (i.e. brain chemicals). In fact, summer-borns may have a “quieter” nervous system than those born in the winter. Their autonomic nervous system (the part of our bodies that prepares us for emergencies as well as controlling heart rate, breathing, and other automatic functions) requires a stronger physical stimulus to trigger an emotional response. These differences were found to be true for both genders and in all age groups. Simply put, people born in the summer are better adjusted emotionally and don’t respond to stress as easily.

   

Each of these statements sets up what is known as a boundary. This can be done without anger or emotion. When it is said in a calm and cool voice, it normally gets people's attention more so than when you shout.

    

The lesson for those born in the South or summer, is "express not repress." It's common for summer born individuals to be comfortable with being emotional. Shouting matches often don't bother them. On the other hand, those born in the South can often hold back on their emotions and then they explode.

      

Last week I saw a perfect example of this. One of my family members likes to kid others. He is sometimes sarcastic. One of his cousins has tolerated this behavior for over 50 years. This was the year that his cousin ran out of patience. Instead of silently taking the kidding, the cousin came back with an equally sarcastic remark. The cousin was born in the South. The situation was so upsetting to him that he got up and left the event we were attending. When we went to see him later, his heart was bothering him and he was still extremely agitated.

      

For people who are born in the summer, if you repress or hold your feelings in you risk the equivalent of a volcanic explosion if you don't learn how to release the "steam" of your emotions. As in the example above, you end up causing more harm to yourself.

          

What would have been a better way to have handled the situation above? Ann Landers used to say, "Just remember when you consider fighting fire with fire, remember that the fire department uses water." A better approach would have been for this man's cousin to say, "What you're saying is hurtful. I would like you to stop now." or "Making fun of me and others hurts their feelings. If you cannot keep from making fun of me, then don't bother speaking to me at all."

      

Thus, for those born in the East, focus on expressing your emotions in a way that is not harmful to others. When someone hurts your feelings or crosses a boundary, you don't have to keep your feelings inside but you also don't need to blow up like a volcano. "Release the steam" by saying what you are experiencing, and if the other person is doing something you don't like, ask them to stop. If they don't, be willing to walk away or to stop spending time with that person. You'll be surprised at how much happier you'll be.

       

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by Flydime

Friends vs. Enemies

Friends are those who always agree with us, who always support us, and who never think we are wrong (at least to our face). Enemies, on the other hand, will disagree with us, come clean to our face, and care less whether we like it or not.

      
Usually when salespeople launch their careers, they start by soliciting their family and friends. This may lead to temporary success, but it's certainly not enough to sustain a career. Furthermore, a faulty product or a bad sales experience can turn your friend into an enemy. A very successful salesperson recently summed up the entire issue quite accurately: “When you are in sales, you soon run out of friends, but you can never run out of strangers.”
            
Are you suggesting that we should trust our enemies rather than relying on our friends?
      
Which person would you rather have with you on a deserted island? One who will give you little to think about, show you no passion, and give you little sense for living. This of course would be your friend. The other would instill within you a sense of purpose, challenge you to rise to your highest self, and would never be boring. So choose your friends carefully and embrace your enemies. One will inflict the wound and the other will lick the wound and you will never know which.

If you were alone on a deserted island, would you be alone with your friend or your enemy?
      
Challenge: Are you up for a really challenging challenge? Take three days and spend them totally alone--no phones, no television, no computer, no family, and no friendly contact. How would you fill your three days? Where and how would you spend your time? How friendly is the friend inside you or is there an enemy you cannot face alone?

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by Mrlin

      

Life's Lessons: Loyalty vs. Betrayal

Native Americans believe that the time of year in which you are born influences the energy that you will carry throughout your life. If you are born in March, April, or May, you are born in the "East" on the Native American Medicine Wheel. This is the belief or spiritual component on the Wheel. In Native tradition, spring is the time you plant your crops. Planting a seed is an act of faith that the seed will grow. In the East, we are asked to look at our higher purpose in life, our relationship to our Creator, and how we make contributions to our community.

      

The research on Season of Birth reveals some interesting facts about those born in the spring time. While they do well in school, they are more likely to have physical problems ranging from heart disease, cancer, schizophrenia, and even anorexia. The scientists speculate that this results from the fact that women who are in the second trimester of their pregnancy during the winter months, are most likely to have the flu or other types of viral illnesses. This in turn, weakens the developing fetus leading to physical concerns later in life. While spring births may be more prone to certain types of physical problems (and remember, this is as a group and doesn't necessarily apply to a particular individual), belief and contribution are their strengths.

       

The primary lesson for those born in the East is Loyalty vs. Betrayal. Loyalty can be defined as "steadfast in allegiance; unwavering in devotion;  faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations; showing faithfulness to commitments, vows, allegiance, obligations, or to one's country. Loyalty is also the act of binding yourself intellectually and emotionally to a course of action.” In contrast, betrayal is defined as, “treachery, disloyalty; unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling; disappointing the hopes and expectations of; revealing or violating a confidence; to deceive, misguide, or corrupt; to lead astray; deceive.”

    

For those born in the East or Spring, their lesson is to be true to their own belief system. One of the most powerful illustrations of this point comes from the life of Albert Einstein. Einstein was a spring birth. He exemplified the best of the characteristics of the East—he was a pacifist and was committed to bringing peace to the world. When Nazi Germany began working on the atomic bomb, against his better judgment,

Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt recommending that America being development of atomic bombs. He never felt that the President would use the bomb against another country. Instead, it would be used for a bargaining tool. Truman made a different decision when he bombed decided to bomb Japan. Here's what Einstein said about that decision:

                                           

"I made one great mistake in my life when I signed the letter to President Roosevelt recommending that atom bombs be made."

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If your birthday is in March, April, or May, your lesson is to be true to yourself and to your personal beliefs. When you achieve this goal, you are in alignment with not only your beliefs, but with your higher purpose in life as well. On the other hand, if you violate a confidence, deceive others, or are disloyal, you are hurting yourself. Earl Nightingale, the famous author and motivational speaker, summed it up:

            

“When you seek to profit by deluding others, you only delude yourself.”

               

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by Maveric2003

               

Offensive Walls and Defensive Walls

A defensive wall we tend to see as something to hide behind.  It keeps our opponents out, but we are the ones who are restricted in space for we are kept in.  Offensive walls are behind us, supporting us and giving us strength. 

“The best defense is a good offense”. Any serious sports fan knows this fundamental is the foundation upon which winning is built. And what exactly produces a strong offense?  Stepping out and acting rather than reacting. The quarterback who hides in back of his defensive line, will soon be sitting on the sidelines. In contrast, the quarterback who trusts that his offensive line is strong, will step out, pass the ball, score, and ultimately, dance in the end zone.

    

Using your sports analogy, I'm not particularly excited about getting tackled.

   

If your wall is fear, step in front of it and see the fear in light so that it can be understood.  If you wall is anger, step in front of it and allow the anger to again become understanding.  If the wall is hate, step in front of it, not to become hated, but to understand love. No matter what your wall is, when you hide behind it, you cannot see truth. When you stand in front of it, it can become your strength for it is in the light. And when you are in the light, you're are not hiding, you are not fearful, you are not angry, you are not hateful. For love is the truth of light and with love there can be no fear, no anger, and no hate. Come out from behind your wall and dance with your life.

    

Challenge:  The next time you confront an angry person or situation, instead of defensively defending your position, try offering the offensive offender love instead.

   

Posted By Bernice Ross

Photo by  | spoon |

Where's Your Integrity?

This morning Marilyn and I had a great discussion about integrity. She did two posts on her blog on this topic. Posts (1)  and (2)

The dictionary defines integrity as:

1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness

One of my favorite definitions of integrity is, "It's what you do when no one else is looking."

A completely different definition that Marilyn discusses in her post is this: "The truth of the beliefs of the speaker, not the hearer."

One of the best illustrations of this concept comes from politics. Those who are passionate about their candidate, strongly believe in their personal integrity as well as that of the political candidate that they support. In fact, at a recent gathering at our house, the day before the Texas Democratic caucus, there was a heated debate between Hillary and Obama's supporters as to who would make the better President. Each of them was so busy arguing for their integrity and their beliefs, that they could not hear what the other person was saying.

Before we can judge the integrity of another person, we must understand the their belief system. What is in integrity for me may not be in integrity for someone else. Your integrity is tied to how well you follow your personal belief system.

Marilyn provided a powerful and somewhat disturbing example. If someone is a bank robber and this person sees nothing wrong with stealing money from others, then that person is acting on their integrity and is congruent. On the other hand, most of us believe that robbing banks is wrong because taking someone else's money is wrong. Nevertheless, some of these same people see nothing wrong with cheating on their taxes. It's OK to take from the government but not from the bank.

How can you spot if you are out of your personal integrity? A simple way to is to examine whether your road is straight and easy or is it filled with twists, turns, and obstacles? By that I mean, do you consistently follow a straight path in terms of your beliefs? You never waiver from them, no matter who you are with or what you are doing. If you change your beliefs or actions to fit various situations, then chances are that you are not holding true to your own integrity. Remember, it is what you believe that matters, not what someone else's standard is for you.

One of the greatest lessons that most of us face is taking responsibility for our actions. Our society is deep into the "blame game." It's someone else's fault that this happened to me. When we fail to take responsibility for what we create, we twist and wind around the lesson that we needed to learn. When we acknowledge our own roles in the creation of our lives and accept complete responsibility (easier said than done), then we are living in our integrity.

Ultimately, we are meant to live in harmony, to be in alignment with our higher purpose in life, and to experience love. Instead of cherry picking what's wrong with life and what's wrong with others, it's time we shifted our approach and focused on cherry picking what is right with us and the world we inhabit.

Posted by Bernice Ross and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by Mike Licht

Male and Female

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. At long last we have proof males and females are so different that they might as well be from different planets.  In fact, researchers have found that men and women actually have observable differences in their brains. While some psychologists attribute the differences to physiology, others attribute the differences to how we are socialized. 

We teach boys to be goal oriented, to over come obstacles, to work with the rules, to rely on teamwork, and to focus on winning (usually at someone else's expense). To demonstrate this point, merely think of all the games that boys typically play such as baseball, football, basketball, soccer, etc. Each of these games reinforces the male characteristics outlined above.

In contrast, girls are socialized to be process rather than goal oriented. The emphasis is on being with friends and spending enjoyable time together as opposed to winning or losing. Again, consider the games girls choose to play: house, jump rope, coloring, etc. For girls, process is more important than outcome. 

Why do these energies always seem to be in conflict with each other?

Masculine energy takes the knowledge it has and uses it to pursue the goal it has set.  Feminine energy seeks the vision and enjoys the journey. Masculine energy can be demanding, overbearing, and pushy in its pursuit. Feminine energy can be pliable, soft, and non-threatening. Each of us has an equal balance we have sought to overthrow. In the perfection of the creation, our balance allows us to pursue and journey. We can have both vision and goal, wisdom and knowledge, without denying any part of who we are. Seek your balance and find your true power, not as either man or woman, but as being. 

Challenge:  The next time you confront one of those aliens from the other planet, instead of focusing on your differences, focus on how incorporating that alien energy can actually balance what may be missing on your planet at home.

Posted by Bernice Ross, the author of Going Where, Ancient Wisdom for People Today and Marilyn Naylor

Photos by luiginter and brentdanley